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Have arrived at my in-laws' house. Taking a bit of time to snack and recover brains, because doing that 'bed' thing in a new place requires setup. Mostly flailing at CPAP devices, because there's never a power outlet or a shelf quite where you need them.
..people make assumptions about my motives.
Rather than, y'know, asking. My blood family are the worst offenders here, in that they tell me, they're unwilling to accept corrections, and they're so damn smug about it.
This particularly comes up around traditionally "feminine" activities (which, by and large, should not be gendered).
I cook because I like it. I cook from scratch because I regard the industrial food system with great suspicion, and actively work to reduce the amount that I'm forced to rely on it. I cook from scratch because I'm a better chef than whoever developed the boxed tripe my folks rely on. (And while my stepfather is, on the whole, a decent person, when he suggests that I'm "turning into Betty Crocker" I want to break his face.)
I garden because I like it. I garden because HaMotzei is full of awe when I've watched some small portion of the grain grow in my own yard. I garden because Monsanto and their ilk can eat manure and die.
I crochet because I like it. I crochet because turning a random piece of string into a useful object by doing nothing more than tying little knots is mind-bogglingly cool. I crochet because "I made it" is something that I strive to have more of in my life.
See what's missing there? It's other peoples' expectations. If someone wants to stick a gendered label on my actions, by and large I can't stop them from doing so. But to tweak an old saying, it's not feminine as in nice, it's femme as in fuck you.
Rather than, y'know, asking. My blood family are the worst offenders here, in that they tell me, they're unwilling to accept corrections, and they're so damn smug about it.
This particularly comes up around traditionally "feminine" activities (which, by and large, should not be gendered).
I cook because I like it. I cook from scratch because I regard the industrial food system with great suspicion, and actively work to reduce the amount that I'm forced to rely on it. I cook from scratch because I'm a better chef than whoever developed the boxed tripe my folks rely on. (And while my stepfather is, on the whole, a decent person, when he suggests that I'm "turning into Betty Crocker" I want to break his face.)
I garden because I like it. I garden because HaMotzei is full of awe when I've watched some small portion of the grain grow in my own yard. I garden because Monsanto and their ilk can eat manure and die.
I crochet because I like it. I crochet because turning a random piece of string into a useful object by doing nothing more than tying little knots is mind-bogglingly cool. I crochet because "I made it" is something that I strive to have more of in my life.
See what's missing there? It's other peoples' expectations. If someone wants to stick a gendered label on my actions, by and large I can't stop them from doing so. But to tweak an old saying, it's not feminine as in nice, it's femme as in fuck you.
About a month and a half since I last posted, longer since I've read with anything approaching regularity.
The semester has come and gone; my last final was yesterday. I liked all of my classes, but have taken an incomplete in two of them because I've been considerably less than okay, in ways that have prevented me from getting the necessary work done. Those problems aren't fixed (and my brain certainly isn't fixed, by any stretch of the imagination) but I have a bit more time with a bit less pressure to work around them.
In other news, my sister has been staying with us since September. She had expected to be in a better job and moved out on her own by now, but hasn't been able to make either one happen. Her current plan seems to be returning to AZ after the airplane ticket prices go down from their holiday highs (about a month from now). I'm just as glad - I like her, but an extrovert trying to share an apartment with two introverts is stressful all around.
Chanukah is behind us, and longest-night still ahead. Here goes.
The semester has come and gone; my last final was yesterday. I liked all of my classes, but have taken an incomplete in two of them because I've been considerably less than okay, in ways that have prevented me from getting the necessary work done. Those problems aren't fixed (and my brain certainly isn't fixed, by any stretch of the imagination) but I have a bit more time with a bit less pressure to work around them.
In other news, my sister has been staying with us since September. She had expected to be in a better job and moved out on her own by now, but hasn't been able to make either one happen. Her current plan seems to be returning to AZ after the airplane ticket prices go down from their holiday highs (about a month from now). I'm just as glad - I like her, but an extrovert trying to share an apartment with two introverts is stressful all around.
Chanukah is behind us, and longest-night still ahead. Here goes.
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My mom and youngest sister are in town this week. Today, we went to the New England Aquarium, and on the 18:00-22:00 whale watch. Both were fun, and now I'm home exhausted. Need a weekend to recover from my weekend.
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Today (Wednesday, 12/29) was rather productive. I dealt with the furnace repairman (missing an appointment for it, but heat is important), stopped in at the grocery co-op, went and got a quote from a dressmaker*, cooked dinner (boil parsnips, mash with chopped parsley, drizzle with a nice olive oil; serve with hard-boiled eggs on the side), and looked up dressmakers to get competing quotes from tomorrow (Thursday, 12/30).
And then I talked on the phone with my mom, and she insisted that I check the websites of regular stores for nice non-wedding dresses, because the first price quoted to me was too high. (It's not cheap, but is well within the "reasonable for custom clothing" zone.) I did so, because due diligence with null result generally is enough to make her stop pushing a bad idea. After 30min or so of subjecting myself to the usual "people who wear your size aren't allowed to look nice; here's our selection of ugly" that clothing stores seem to specialize in, I called back and was (perhaps unnecessarily) nasty about it. I do think that I've nipped that idea in the bud. But now I need to put it away enough to fall asleep, because I'm supposed to get up in 7h.
* Standard off-the-rack wedding dresses have so far proven unusable - not due to size issues, but due to their inability to cover the long underwear necessary for an outdoor wedding. The designers don't even seem to think that people walk between their car in the parking lot and the warm indoors.
And then I talked on the phone with my mom, and she insisted that I check the websites of regular stores for nice non-wedding dresses, because the first price quoted to me was too high. (It's not cheap, but is well within the "reasonable for custom clothing" zone.) I did so, because due diligence with null result generally is enough to make her stop pushing a bad idea. After 30min or so of subjecting myself to the usual "people who wear your size aren't allowed to look nice; here's our selection of ugly" that clothing stores seem to specialize in, I called back and was (perhaps unnecessarily) nasty about it. I do think that I've nipped that idea in the bud. But now I need to put it away enough to fall asleep, because I'm supposed to get up in 7h.
* Standard off-the-rack wedding dresses have so far proven unusable - not due to size issues, but due to their inability to cover the long underwear necessary for an outdoor wedding. The designers don't even seem to think that people walk between their car in the parking lot and the warm indoors.
Something that was never new: 30min conversation with a bio-family member who expects me to have a supernatural ability to troubleshoot computer programs I've never used, running on machines on the far side of the country, which are not set up for remote login.
Something that is new: Somerville standard compost bin in the back yard. I no longer have to feel quite as bad about (vegan) kitchen and yard waste, because it has a well-defined place to go. Of course, shortly after piling my yard waste into it this afternoon, I realize that I'm going to need to find a reliable, cheap source of bulk low-nitrogen organic matter. (In the long term, it's likely to be last year's leaf litter, but right now there isn't any.)
Something that never gets old: The first ripe grape off the grapevine. :9
Something that is new: Somerville standard compost bin in the back yard. I no longer have to feel quite as bad about (vegan) kitchen and yard waste, because it has a well-defined place to go. Of course, shortly after piling my yard waste into it this afternoon, I realize that I'm going to need to find a reliable, cheap source of bulk low-nitrogen organic matter. (In the long term, it's likely to be last year's leaf litter, but right now there isn't any.)
Something that never gets old: The first ripe grape off the grapevine. :9
Waking up in my folks' house is always at half-spoons. Sometimes less, never more. Currently leading the possible causes is the noise of having an arterial street right out front. Runner-up is pet allergies.
It's far too hot in this house, and in the region as a whole. I've been spending the day sitting in front of a floor fan, with a rotating set of icepacks to keep cool. It's hard to persuade myself to do anything else once the day starts to warm up.
Being the last person to sleep is enforced here - I can hear the living room TV through the wall.
No longer being in my campus apartment cut the number and severity of dizzy spells, substantially. They came back when I gained a desk-like area to sit at, so the 'pinched nerve in neck' theory gains some credence. (Something I forgot to post about when it was new: the neurologist told me that there's not enough wrong with me to figure out what's wrong with me. Normal MRI, EEG abnormal in the least specific possible way.) Saw a chiropractor last week, and felt better for a day or two.
I think my folks are done with their movie, so I'm going to try to catch some sleep.
It's far too hot in this house, and in the region as a whole. I've been spending the day sitting in front of a floor fan, with a rotating set of icepacks to keep cool. It's hard to persuade myself to do anything else once the day starts to warm up.
Being the last person to sleep is enforced here - I can hear the living room TV through the wall.
No longer being in my campus apartment cut the number and severity of dizzy spells, substantially. They came back when I gained a desk-like area to sit at, so the 'pinched nerve in neck' theory gains some credence. (Something I forgot to post about when it was new: the neurologist told me that there's not enough wrong with me to figure out what's wrong with me. Normal MRI, EEG abnormal in the least specific possible way.) Saw a chiropractor last week, and felt better for a day or two.
I think my folks are done with their movie, so I'm going to try to catch some sleep.
Family stuff went okay, although they made far too much of an Event out of it. They also sent us off with a lot of leftovers.
And I find myself pondering 1999 vs. 2009. Is my life better now? On the whole, yes. I have more independance now, and live a 40min drive from my family. Is my life where I thought it'd be? Not at all. And that's alright. (Although I thought I'd have escaped AZ by now, and haven't, so that's still high on my to-do list.)
Anyway, happy new year to anyone who's reading this. May 2010 be an improvement.
And I find myself pondering 1999 vs. 2009. Is my life better now? On the whole, yes. I have more independance now, and live a 40min drive from my family. Is my life where I thought it'd be? Not at all. And that's alright. (Although I thought I'd have escaped AZ by now, and haven't, so that's still high on my to-do list.)
Anyway, happy new year to anyone who's reading this. May 2010 be an improvement.
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zeightyfiv will meet my blood-relatives for the first time. My younger sister (who will turn 19 in a month and a half) has brought home two or three boyfriends over the years, and then it was always a matter of whether our parents would hate them on sight, or try to forbid her visiting them, or whatever. But as the oldest child, who's already established that familial (dis)approval isn't a factor in my relationships, I end up with the challenge of not rubbing their collective noses in that fact.Ahh, family.
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Monday (11/2) has receeded out of the "recent memories" set, and I'm too tired to reconstruct it right now.
Tuesday (11/3) was a blur of productivity. Found out that evening that my great-grandmother had died. May she and her secrets rest peacefully.
Wednesday (11/4) was mostly spent trying to understand electron spin, with some degree of success. Meant to call my grandmother, but so far have chickened out.
Thursday (11/5) involved getting up at the crack of dawn in order to register for classes. One of the Spring-only classes that I need had filled up in the 30min between opening of registration and my checking the course listing. (Due to that and another class I need being switched to spring semester only, I won't be graduating in a year as I'd hoped. Feh.) After that, it was an ordinary long Thursday.
Oh, and my insurance only took two weeks to realize that it wasn't filling my inhaler prescriptions for nothing, and has now agreed to pay for asthma-management medication. So hopefully I can leave the inhaler in my backpack again rather than needing it continuously to-hand.
Tuesday (11/3) was a blur of productivity. Found out that evening that my great-grandmother had died. May she and her secrets rest peacefully.
Wednesday (11/4) was mostly spent trying to understand electron spin, with some degree of success. Meant to call my grandmother, but so far have chickened out.
Thursday (11/5) involved getting up at the crack of dawn in order to register for classes. One of the Spring-only classes that I need had filled up in the 30min between opening of registration and my checking the course listing. (Due to that and another class I need being switched to spring semester only, I won't be graduating in a year as I'd hoped. Feh.) After that, it was an ordinary long Thursday.
Oh, and my insurance only took two weeks to realize that it wasn't filling my inhaler prescriptions for nothing, and has now agreed to pay for asthma-management medication. So hopefully I can leave the inhaler in my backpack again rather than needing it continuously to-hand.
My paternal grandmother called just now. She finished her second round of radiation therapy last week, and we talked for a while about how that had gone. My father has been taking care of her, so he was around. And then she tried to get me to talk to him, and things went downhill from there.
At one point she commented that if something happened to her, "all your father would have left is [his sisters]." I wouldn't say it to her, but when that eventually happens, I think it will be good for him. He's in his 40s, yet has only rarely had to deal with the results of his own poor decisions. Because my grandmother has been willing to shield him from them, for his entire life.
But to my father directly? No, I have nothing to say. And I wish she would leave it alone.
At one point she commented that if something happened to her, "all your father would have left is [his sisters]." I wouldn't say it to her, but when that eventually happens, I think it will be good for him. He's in his 40s, yet has only rarely had to deal with the results of his own poor decisions. Because my grandmother has been willing to shield him from them, for his entire life.
But to my father directly? No, I have nothing to say. And I wish she would leave it alone.
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And I have to say, nothing makes me feel short quite like realizing that the Swiss chard in mom's vegetable garden is taller than I am. I left her with a tray of dwarf bok choy seedlings, which she'll hopefully enjoy without them attempting to take over the garden the way the chard has. (I now have lots of chard. Not sure what to do with it.)
Youngest sister's 12th birthday celebration went well and without much arguing by La Familia. On the way home, I had the amusement of watching while younger-sister (the one who's a freshman at my university) explained hookahs to our stepfather.
I'm now back home. Was thinking of making garlic and turnip soup, but am probably too tired to get myself that organized. Tomorrow, maybe.
Youngest sister's 12th birthday celebration went well and without much arguing by La Familia. On the way home, I had the amusement of watching while younger-sister (the one who's a freshman at my university) explained hookahs to our stepfather.
I'm now back home. Was thinking of making garlic and turnip soup, but am probably too tired to get myself that organized. Tomorrow, maybe.
This morning, my folks informed me that they would be showing up at 09:30 tomorrow to help me move. Whether or not I liked the idea of going a full day without anything I couldn't fit in my carryon luggage. (Even microwave meals require a microwave.) Whether or not I thought I'd be done packing. Whether or not I thought I'd even be awake at the time. All of the above on less than 24h notice.
Earlier this week I'd told them when my plane left, and requested that after checking their schedule they call me back so we could talk about timing. This is not what I meant.
Sad thing is, they've been doing this sort of thing so long that it took half a day to figure out what I was angry about.
Earlier this week I'd told them when my plane left, and requested that after checking their schedule they call me back so we could talk about timing. This is not what I meant.
Sad thing is, they've been doing this sort of thing so long that it took half a day to figure out what I was angry about.
+ Job interview! Wednesday, 6/24, 13:00. Position is basic technical support at the Flexible Display Center.
- Sprained ankle. While getting up to (try to) answer the phonecall that turned out to be about the interview.
+ RICE: Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. Also, tylenol.
- I know this drill all too well.
+ My folks are going camping this weekend. The injury prevented me from recieving an akward invitation. (I enjoy the outdoors, but only in company that doesn't bicker.)
- Didn't get to finish the labwork that I wanted to have done by this evening, 'cause I can't walk very far or stand very long.
+ Just re-wrapped the ace bandage and bruising appears to be minimal, especially considering how I landed on that ankle. Aside from being swolen, the internal structure isn't obviously assymetrical when compared to the other side (so far as I can feel).
- So why do my toes tingle on that side?
- Sprained ankle. While getting up to (try to) answer the phonecall that turned out to be about the interview.
+ RICE: Rest, Ice, Compression, Elevation. Also, tylenol.
- I know this drill all too well.
+ My folks are going camping this weekend. The injury prevented me from recieving an akward invitation. (I enjoy the outdoors, but only in company that doesn't bicker.)
- Didn't get to finish the labwork that I wanted to have done by this evening, 'cause I can't walk very far or stand very long.
+ Just re-wrapped the ace bandage and bruising appears to be minimal, especially considering how I landed on that ankle. Aside from being swolen, the internal structure isn't obviously assymetrical when compared to the other side (so far as I can feel).
- So why do my toes tingle on that side?
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