Hanging on for another week and a half..

[403]

I stumbled over http://cleolinda.livejournal.com/1001468.html Monday night, and it caused me to realize that all is not well in 403-land. As she says:

Because even when you grasp the idea that depression is an ailment and not a personal failing... it still feels like a personal failing. You know you're clinically depressed, but you feel like you're just lazy, lonely, hopeless, pathetic. Or sometimes you don't realize you're ill, because those feelings of anxiety and shame and helplessness sneak up on you and feel legitimate, and that's why you don't realize you need help.

I seem to automatically lay on a veneer of "okayness", when I'm not. It lasts until for some reason it can't - so long as I'm believing my own propaganda. At the moment, I don't.

Finals week is going to be Fun.